


Stuck With Me

by thingyoudowiththatthing



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abandonment, F/M, Mary is a horrible mother, Rejection, self blame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 09:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16238822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thingyoudowiththatthing/pseuds/thingyoudowiththatthing
Summary: 12x03 left me no choice but to write this. Poor Dean.





	Stuck With Me

Dean looked up when you closed the door behind you, and your eyes caught his. They were red and glassy. There was no doubt in your mind that he had been crying and drinking. The almost empty whiskey bottle next to him was a big clue. Not that you needed one. You knew him.

“Hey.” You smiled, trying the best you could to hide your worry as you walked down the stairs towards him.

“What are you doing here?” Dean questioned with a frown, making you shake your head and grin at him.

“What kinda greeting is that?” you teased him, trying to get him to smile but with no luck. He just mumbled an apology and gave you a quick half-hearted hug. He was so much worse off than you had initially feared.

“Dean…” you tried, but he waved you off with a fake smile making your heart clench. You wanted to throw yourself into his arms. Hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay, but you knew him. He had been your best friend for over a decade, your boyfriend for a little over a year now. You knew if you wanted him to talk, to open up to you, you would have to ease him into it.

“Where’s Cas? Is he okay?” Dean looked up the stairs to check if the angel was behind you. You reached out to him, running your hand down his arm, calling his attention back to you.

“Cas is fine, Dean. He is still looking. Rowena tossed Lucifer into some ocean, and Crowley is helping him,” you tried to explain. Dean instantly frowned at the mention of the witch and the demon’s names, but you just shook your head dragging him to sit down with you. “It’s not important Dean. That’s not why I am home. Sam called. He…”

“Great,” Dean hissed turning his face away from you. “He shouldn’t have. You were working. Cas needs you. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. Cas knows my number. Besides, I missed you Dean.” You felt the tears press behind your eyes, when he still wouldn’t look at you. It pained you more than you cared to admit. You hated seeing him like this, but more than anything, you hated when he tried to push you away. You knew he would never succeed. He never had. Still, it hurt that he tried, and a small part of you couldn’t help but wonder if it was because he really did want you to leave. You pushed that thought out of your mind and reached out to him again. Gently cupping his stubbled cheek in your hand, but he flinched away from your touch, making your heart sink. He had never done that before. Not once.

“Dean…” You could hear the tears in your own voice and finally he looked at you. His eyes were as glassy as yours must have been, and his voice came out barely above a whisper.

“She left…”

“I know, Dean. I…” You reached for his hand, but he pulled back from you. He jumped out of the chair and started to pace the room. His sudden movement made you flinch in shock. You stared at him as he yelled at you. It had been a long time since he had screamed at you like this and to be honest, it startled you.

“No Y/N. You don’t know! You don’t know anything!”

His words broke your heart, and you wanted to yell at him, but you didn’t cause you knew him. You knew he wanted you to get mad. You knew he wanted to push you away, because pushing you away was easier than dealing with what he was feeling. You knew he hated feeling vulnerable. He wanted to be the one to take care of everyone else, and he was good at that. But this, opening up, letting others take care of him, that he sucked at.  

“Why don’t you tell me then?” Your eyes rested on his back, and you saw his shoulders fall. Giving in. Knowing that you wouldn’t. His voice was low and broken, when he finally spoke again.

“She was happy, Y/N. Mom. She remembers heaven. She was there with Dad, with Sam and me. We were kids. She had a family, and my selfish wish tore her from that.”

You could hear the tears in his voice. You wanted nothing more than to push yourself out of your chair and hug him. Tell him that everything was going to be okay, but that wasn’t what he needed right now. Besides, he wouldn’t let you. Not yet.

“It wasn’t real Dean. You and Sam aren’t dead. You aren’t kids. This is real, and I am sure she knows that. She wants that. She just needs time to…” you tried to explain, but Dean interrupted you. Your heart broke into a million pieces when he turned around. Tears were now running down his cheeks, and he looked so broken. Like a small lost boy. Like you imagined 4 year old Dean had looked when he lost his mom the first time. Only this time, it wasn’t just hurt behind his green eyes. It was self loathing and anger. You fought not to run to him. You stayed seated. You let him speak.

“She needs time to what? Accept her sons… That I am not what she wanted? That I pulled Sam back into this? That I pulled her back into this when she was happy? She never wanted this life Y/N. I was selfish. I am not the son she wanted. I am a…”

That was it. You could no longer let him speak like that about himself. You couldn’t have him think like that.

“Dean, stop!” You jumped out of your chair yelling, making him jump and stare at you in shock and disbelief.

“You are not a failure.” You completed his sentence, knowing him well enough to know where his mind was going. Your voice softened as you slowly walked towards him.

“She just needs time. You had years to mourn your dad and her. She came back to learn her husband is dead, and her sons are adults. She is not mourning the two of you. She is mourning lost time and her husband. She needs time to come to terms with all of this, and when she does, she will be back. Because she loves you, Dean.” You tried to explain, but Dean just shrugged and looked down at his feet so you decided to take a different approach. You stopped right in front of him cupping his face in your hands, forcing him to look at you.

“You are the son she wanted. You are strong and brilliant and caring. What mother would not want a son like that?” You smiled at him, and finally he leaned into your touch. Accepting your comfort.

“If I am so perfect then why does everyone leave?” he muttered, and you send him a cheeky grin.

“Well, I didn’t say you were perfect.”

“Right.” Dean huffed with a small smile on his lips, and you continued.

“And everyone doesn’t leave you, Dean. Sam is right in there.” You nodded towards the hall and Sam’s room. “Cas wanted to come back here with me because he cares. I had to convince him not too. Your mom didn’t leave Dean. She will be back, and I am right here, baby.”

“Yeah for how long?” Dean muttered, breaking you, and your tears streamed down your cheeks.

How could he think that? How could he think you would walk out on him, after all you had been through. You had stayed when he made the deal that sent him to Hell. You had mourned his death. You had accepted it when he went off to live with Lisa, no matter how much it had hurt. You had been by his side searching for her when the demon’s took her. You had watched him grieve his lost family. You had stayed with him through everything. Even when he had gotten the Mark. You had not given up on him when he became a demon, and when the Mark had finally left his arm, you had been so relieved you had kissed him.

He had been all you had ever wanted, and you had allowed him to lean on you over the past year. Thinking you had lost him all over again had broken you, but hearing the doubt in his voice, honestly believing you would leave him almost killed you.  

“Don’t doubt me, Dean. Don’t you dare. I love you more than anything, and I have been by your side. Always. I am never leaving you, and I need you to see that.” Your voice almost cracked as you spoke, and Dean’s eyes opened wide in surprise, clearly not realizing how much his pain affected you until this moment.

“I’m sorry sweetheart.” Dean pulled you closely against his chest. “I am a screwed up mess. I don’t know how you put up with me. I’m sorry.”

You clung to him as you let him speak, and then you tilted your head, resting your chin against his chest. “You’re my mess Dean Winchester, and I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

Dean smiled a sad smile before leaning down and pressing his lips against your. He tasted of whiskey and beer, but you didn’t care. You clung to him. Kissing him back passionately and lovingly, proving to him you meant every word. He might not be perfect, but he was loved and he was all you had ever needed.

“You’re stuck with me Winchester,” you half teased as you finally pulled apart, but the look in your eyes let him know you meant it. You laced your fingers through his and he let out a shaky breath. 

“Now, can we please go to bed?” you begged giving his hand a small squeeze.

“Yeah… I guess.” Dean smiled at you before wrapping his arm around your shoulder and leading you down the hallway towards your shared bedroom. “And Y/N?”

“Hmm,” You mumbled, leaning into his side as you walked, enjoying the safety the warmth from his body provided.

“You’re stuck with me too, sweetheart.” 


End file.
